I’m going through a big transition right now in my life.
Over the past year, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, and as I've let go of several important, but unhealthy relationships in my life, it’s meant that my family circle has been gradually dwindling.
That’s not an easy thing to go through. These people were everything to me. I wanted more than anything to feel loved and sheltered with them, but I could never truly feel that way, because their love wasn’t a safe place. Everyone thinks family is what you cling to, but when their love is toxic, it’s not a wise choice to hold on anymore. There were many conversations that happened prior to letting go. There were visits to therapists, heart to heart discussions, and even a few heated conversations.
Ultimately, I realized I’m tired. So tired. I’m tired of carrying those who can’t pull the weight of their own sh*t. I know those people don’t understand why they were toxic in my life, and I’m sure they don’t feel like they deserved to me deleted from my inner circle.
For that I am sad.
This disconnect has been causing me a lot of guilt of the past few months, as I restructure my life and sort through my journey on this planet, but I realize I have to let go. I’ve lived so much of my life for other people, and I’ve taken on so much of their sh*t for them because I cared, because I wanted to show love, and because I can’t help it - that’s what empaths do!
This week I’m making a proclamation.
I call it the #goodbyeproclamation
I have many things to say goodbye to, but today I’m starting with guilt. I’m saying goodbye to feeling guilty about letting go. I know I’ve done my best. I know that I have tried and worked, and cultivated as much as I possibly could. I know that my children are watching every move I make and every word I say. I can’t teach them about how to treat people in the world when they see their own mother being mistreated daily by those who are supposed to love and care for me. I won’t do that anymore.
I won’t let them see me hurt, angry, or crying all the time.
They will see me caring for others.
They will see me loving.
They will see me being loved.
And they will see me being cared for.
Because I care most about setting the best, most healthy example for them. They are my first priority. The other people in my life have already had a lifetime to get it together. They’ve had years to get right. They choose not to. So I choose to say goodbye.
And I won’t feel guilty about that anymore. They made their own choices in their words, actions, and behaviors. It wasn’t me who chose that. It’s me who is deliberately and consciously choosing something else, something better, and more healthy.
So goodbye guilt! I’m leaving you here, and I’m taking what’s mine! What’s mine? Oh, I’m glad you asked... dignity, self-respect, joy, and peace. That’s what’s mine, and you won’t rob me of it anymore.